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Impostor Syndrome … There’s Nothing Fake About How It Makes You Feel

My biggest fear is that eventually, you will see me the way I see myself.

At work, do you ever have the feeling that you don’t belong there? I don’t mean in the context of fitting-in-with-the-cool-people-by-the water-cooler, but professionally speaking … do you suspect that you don’t deserve the position you’re in? Do you secretly fear that you don’t have the necessary skills? If so, you’re not alone. What you are experiencing has been labeled The Impostor Syndrome. The label sounds dramatic but it’s really about feeling undeserving of your achievements, that the success in your life is not real, while also feeling an overwhelming sense of incompetence … even when praised.

This isn’t some new ‘syndrome’ to coddle those who are unsure about themselves. Rather, it’s a widely recognized problem that affects 60% – 70% of us at some point. It is even experienced by individuals who have made significant successes in their life.

Many high achievers report feeling like intellectual frauds and unworthy of their career. I have encountered professionals who have expressed this unyielding sense of self- doubt and inadequacy when they walk into their workplace. This is equally true for those who have difficulty accepting recognition. This also applies to those who have come into unexpected fame or wealth … or both, and who now feel the only place to land is way down, after a fall from grace.

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’  – Maya Angelou

Recently, I spoke with a brilliant, award-winning writer from South Africa. Despite having a stellar resume filled with travel to attend prestigious writers’ festivals, she explained that much of the time she feels like an Impostor. She described how listening to other writers speak about their success makes her unable able to take pride in her own work, and somehow makes her feel like an Impostor.

This intrigued me because I’ve seen the effects that the Impostor Syndrome has had on some of my clients. So, I asked this four-time published novelist, “What about the first time that you learned your book was going to be published internationally – weren’t you happy?” Her response was surprising: “To be honest, the thought I had in my head was that I had fooled them. I even rushed to write another book just to prove I wasn’t a fraud. Then, to add to the intense emotions of that accomplishment, I was honored with a very significant award. After the fact, I found out that I was the first black person ever to receive it. None of this success changed how phony I felt. I even felt ashamed for rejoicing in any of it.”

After talking to this accomplished woman I wondered why so many ambitious, intelligent, hardworking people experience these feelings. Impostor Syndrome stretches across the spectrum of occupations too. It’s a sentiment that’s been acknowledged by doctors, teachers, lawyers, athletes, entrepreneurs … and also artists, actors, photographers, writers, and models. For people experiencing the Impostor Syndrome, the more they achieve the less genuine it feels and the worse they feel about themselves for enjoying it.

Here are a few symptoms of the Impostor Syndrome:

  1. You’re afraid that you will be found out or fired despite being applauded for good work.
  2. You are hesitant to seek further achievements, such as seeking promotions or other exciting opportunities in the workplace. This is true for artists who will not showcase their work, or submit their writing for fear it isn’t worthy.
  3. You experience anxiety and/or embarrassment if/when you speak about your achievements with others.
  4. You worry that your accomplishment isn’t real, or will be taken away.
  5. You fear that you got lucky and are not actually qualified for the position or award. Further, you fear that your success was given to you by chance, nepotism, or some other form of favoritism/bias.

To make sure we leave on a positive, note, here are some ways that you can cope when the Impostor Syndrome is having a negative impact on you:

Cope with the Impostor Syndrome by:

1) Recognizing the benefits of being a novice

  • When you’re not steeped in the conventional wisdom of a given profession or domain, you can ask questions that haven’t been asked before and approach problems in ways others haven’t thought of.
  • Many problems are solved by those from outside the field in question. So the next time you feel inadequate in a particular field, remember that as an outsider to the role in question, you might have the most critical perspective of all

2) Focusing more on what you’re learning than on how you’re performing

  • With a learning mindset (rather than a performance mindset), your mistakes are easier to see as an inevitable part of the learning process rather than as more evidence of your underlying failings

3) Understanding the power of perspective

  • Being found incompetent is the number one fear of executives worldwide
  • So if you’re feeling like an impostor, chances are that others in your situation feel the exact same way

 

Want to discuss the Impostor Syndrome (and getting past it) any further? I invite you to contact me by email, phone, or via direct message on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn.

More than career coaching, it’s career psychology®.

I/O Advisory Services – Building Resilient Careers.

Tongue Tied About Public Speaking? You’re Not Alone …

“According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy” – Jerry Seinfeld

Public Speaking with Microphone

With the Right Preparation, You Can Become a Better Public Speaker

The phone rings, I pick up to hear the familiar and confident voice of a friendly business acquaintance, let’s just call her Liz. We talk briefly about upcoming projects, discuss current events, and then what she says next absolutely floors me! Liz, who is one of the most talented public speakers I know, has terrible stage fright. This is a woman who is articulate, poised, and has a great sense of humor that effortlessly engages her audience, and yet, she revealed how thoroughly she must prepare herself for the task of commanding a room with confidence. Curious as I was amazed, I asked Liz how does she does do it? How does she make it look so easy, and what’s more, continually overcome this fear?

“It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech” – Mark Twain

With a humble chuckle, Liz explains that she has a strict method that gives her some comfort and predictability.  Very early in the morning, she is either practicing a speech, pitch, or presentation for an upcoming client or company who she will meet that day. For shorter pitches, Liz does this about 10 – 15 times before leaving the house and continues this process of rehearsing as she drives to the intended meeting. Sure, her hands shake, and she usually opts out of having a cup coffee if someone will see it shaking. She’ll usually skip her second coffee due to a nervous stomach, but every week she defies those persistent anxieties.

“You may not be interested in strategy, but strategy is interested in you.”– Leon Trotsky

The credibility and extensive network that Liz has built in, part because of her effective public speaking, led me to believe that hers was a natural talent that very few possess. However, her candid admission made me realize that a large part of her success is due to her work effort and strategy. It’s quite possible that other great speakers have certain rituals or tactics to lessen their feelings of intimidation in front of an audience. For instance, Liz found a creative approach by removing her eyeglasses. She says this makes her less nervous. It helps blur the numerous faces staring at her so that she doesn’t get caught up in their expressions and can focus on the content, rather than the actual room.

So, what are some of Liz’s behind the scenes tricks you can use to prepare for your next presentation, speech, or big meeting?

  1. Accept that you have stage fright, but boldly confront it anyway
  2. Practice and prepare in advance (time management is key). Consider recording yourself in an audio or even a video format.
  3. Use resourceful ways to ease your fright. If you have glasses, perhaps taking them off may ease the intense glare of eyes on you. You may want to find an outfit (albeit professional) that is comfortable. This includes footwear. It’s amazing how the wrong clothing can distract you, or make you uncomfortably warm, itchy, or feel constraining when under pressure

    Woman Speaking in Public

  4. Use your surroundings; map out where you will be speaking from. Pick a seat that you can easily get up from to head to the podium. You may want to try walking while talking if the stage permits movement, this will give you time to find a spot to pause and deliberate if there are questions.
  5. Plan your pauses, take deep breaths, and never rush through your speech.
  6. Try breathing exercises and or meditation techniques starting days before the public speaking to help you relax.

If these tips have been helpful, but you still feel your fear of meetings, job interviews, speeches, or any other public situations are still excessively bothersome please contact me. Together, we can customize a personal strategy to make you a more effective speaker (or meeting chairperson or interviewee) and help you to develop the necessary skills.

If you have HR or career-related matters that you’d like to discuss, please contact me by email, phone, or via direct message on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn. I’m also available if you’d like to discuss any of these topics in more detail.

More than career coaching, it’s career psychology®.

I/O Advisory Services – Building Resilient Careers.

Is Fear of Failure Holding You Back?

CHuntly

You have your fabulous business idea, you have your goals written out, and you have written a killer business plan. The next step can be the most daunting one when it comes to launching any business – you have to tell people about what it is you do.

Once you start marketing your business one of three things can happen:

  1. You are an “instant” hit – it looks like you are going to meet or surpass your goals.
  2. Nothing – no one seems interested in buying what you are selling, or perhaps you aren’t reaching them in the right ways.
  3. Your audience vocally doesn’t like what you are offering – this is pretty rare unless you have completely misread your audience.

Often, for an entrepreneur, the fear of failure can hold you back from putting together the best marketing strategy you can. You are afraid that if you put yourself out there completely you won’t be received well. The best way to get over your fears is strategic planning and focus.

I know what you are thinking…  I read this blog for THAT?! As simple as it might seem, the one thing that gets pushed aside is great planning. You may have a lot of great ideas for a marketing plan, but is it a full strategy? And do you have a plan to keep yourself on track?

Here are 5 things to consider to help get over the entrepreneurial fear hump and get your marketing strategy in order:

  1. Have you considered your target audience’s needs and behaviours? Your audience should always dictate how you market your business. For example, if you are targeting an audience that isn’t very tech-savvy, that Twitter Q&A you have planned is the wrong place to invest. You may want to consider more traditional tactics like direct mail or event-based marketing.
  2. Do your selected tactics fit within your overall business goals? It’s easy to get caught up with what your competitors are doing or the latest and greatest technology that is on the market, however you should take a step back and consider those goals and objectives in your business plan. If your goal is to become an industry leader in your field but you hadn’t considered a strong content marketing or PR plan, then you should reconsider your planning.
  3. Focus is your best friend. It is easy to look at all of the things you have to do and find smaller, less important tasks that you “just have to” complete first. While cleaning out your junk drawer in your desk can probably wait as well, I am talking about all of the things that can derail a great strategy. For example, you have set out to market your business on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, but you heard about how neat Snapchat is and you thought you would “just set up” an account. Before you know it, you have spent half a day on something that you hadn’t planned on.
  4. Are you evaluating your strategy on a regular basis? Changing your original strategy isn’t a bad thing as long as it comes from a strategic evaluation of what is working and what isn’t. If you aren’t getting the traction you expected from Facebook, maybe you should consider a different social channel or focusing your time and resources into a different strategy altogether. It’s important to track the success of your efforts so you can look at your success over time and tweak your strategy as necessary.
  5. Are you trying to be an island? This is a huge cause of entrepreneurial fear (and failure). You may be the biggest champion of your own idea, however, sometimes it’s good to bring a third party in to look at your strategy with an unbiased eye. You don’t have to hire someone to do your entire strategy and execution for you (your budget might not allow for that!) but you can work with a consultant or coach to make sure you are on the right track. Your hesitation in starting your marketing outreach could stem from not feeling confident in your strategy and this will help with that.

As a business owner you should always give yourself enough space to take a step back, take a deep breath, and get back to the basics of what makes your business a business – your idea, your goals and objectives, your brand story, and your target audience. As long as you have a good foundation in the basics, you can approach everything else with confidence.

Candace Huntly is the Founder and Principal at SongBird Marketing Communications, an award-winning agency working to take organizational and individual brands to the next level. With a passion for all things related to creativity and strategy, she specializes in business intelligence, marketing & branding, content strategy & development, media & influencer relations, and social media. Basically, if you need to put your brand, product, or cause in the public eye, she will find a way to do it, while making the approach unique to you.

Connect with Candace

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Why your mental game is infinitely more important for your business success than you think.

Uchechi

There’s no denying it, business success is 80-90% about your mental game. This is something I see every day because I’ve worked with people and coached them through the mechanics of building a successful business. They know what to do, however, they’re either not doing it, or they’re not getting the results they really want.

Take an example of someone who wants to expand her reach and start blogging for her business. However, 6 months later she’s stuck on having the ‘right’ thing to post. This is not about lack of topic ideas or even about knowing how or why to blog, but really about committing to the process and pushing past the fear of judgment and criticism from family, friends and colleagues.

Another example is someone who just launched a great product or service, but is afraid to reach out to others and share it. They are so consumed with fear of appearing pushy, ‘salesy’ or intrusive. As a result, they sit on their great offering and do very little with it.

This is why I believe 100% in working on the mental game with my clients, because without that, no matter how much I teach them about marketing, business financials etc., they will not get the results they’re looking for. Maximum results occur when they’re able to break through blocks and resistance that holds them back!

Another side of the coin is seeing business owners pushing really hard to make things happen. Sometimes, yes, this is needed, but there’s also another side of ‘allowing’ for guidance. We often don’t speak about this in business, but this has been the foundation for all the success I’ve personally experienced.

It’s very common for me to send my clients links to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique aka Tapping) videos and ask them to tap when I know they’re overcome with fear, anxiety and overwhelm. Sometimes, when I see they’re stuck financially, even though they’re doing the work, I send them forgiveness exercises to do, because I know there’s a huge correlation between resentment, grievances and anger to financial struggles. This is something we don’t discuss in most business training and education, but it’s vital for the success of your business.

I like to think of it like striking a right balance of taking action, and also turning inward, and getting connected. You need to identify how your subconscious mind is keeping you from your dreams. When you’re able to do this, your work will flow better and easier and you’ll begin to see opportunities and resources to help you achieve your goals.

You also need to be conscious on how you feel about your business. Are you in a constant state of doubt, worry, and fear? These feelings will repel the success and financial abundance you want. Focus on feeling positive, confident, and expect positive results. This feeling is more powerful and important than any activity you’ll ever do for your business!

So, I challenge you to focus and add in mental activities to your business strategy. Start cultivating a success mindset that will give you the results you truly want for your business!

Uchechi Ezurike-Bosse is a Business & Lifestyle Strategist, Creator of the 4-Week Business Success Bootcamp and Mind Money Miracles. Uchechi helps passionate entrepreneurs (+aspiring entrepreneurs) master their mindsets to increase their wealth, confidence, and sweet, sweet freedom!  Visit Uchechi at www.myempoweredliving.com and sign up for her FREE video training series The 4 Keys to your Business Success! This free 4-day business training reveals her 4 key strategies needed to build a profitable and successful business, and how to put them to work for you!

Lessons from social entrepreneurs for newbie self-starters

As an organization that helps socially conscious ideas come alive, our teams faces the same challenges faced by first-time entrepreneurs. Perhaps you can relate to this:

marisol blog image 1

Here are 3 tips from this #socent gal for all you lovely folks:

 

  1. It’s All In The Details

Many starter projects struggle through the infancy stages. During this period, projects are usually not fully developed yet, missing details, or are unable to fully guarantee success. During this stage, nothing is perfect. Money is tight, and manpower limited.

However, if you are just testing the waters, but don’t have everything figured out, or feel a little insecure about your project – Don’t worry. Just make sure you are able to communicate your project ideas and the intended outcomes clearly. Being able to do so will already set you apart from many other entrepreneurs.

Amidst the unpredictability of starting off, use storytelling and visuals to minimize misunderstandings for your listeners. Moreover, try to engage your audience by carefully crafting your communications material ahead of time, and have someone else review it for you.

  1. Keep Growing Your Track Record

We all know it. Starting a business can put a big financial stress on business owners – no matter how well prepared they are. Plans can fall through, partnerships may crumble, economic climates will change.

When money is not falling from the sky, always remind yourself to be patient, and that clients seek out proven track records and testimonials. The more opportunities you have to prove yourself, the easier it will be to command the fees you want. Hence, look for opportunities to showcase your skills.  If you’re creative in demonstrating your abilities, the value of your product, and are not afraid to take risks (an essential part of the entrepreneurial DNA), clients will take notice, thereby making it easier for you to adjust your pricing in the long-run.

  1. Don’t Listen to Fear

People sense desperation and fear in email replies, when conducting meetings, or even when negotiating prices. And it sucks. Because if anything, fear is the last thing anyone needs – especially, when you’re already struggling to pay your bills.

Whenever you feel restlessness and desperation kicking in, just sit back, breathe and take a step back. Remind yourself of why you started. Acknowledge that failure is part of the journey. But most importantly, stop internalizing these feelings of inadequacy, and embrace the natural progression in your business.

And if all fails, be confident even when you’re not. If you have to, practice your pitch in the bathroom mirror until the words naturally glide off your tongue. Attend meetings with someone, especially if you know that person is going to fortify your presentation or overall standpoint. In other words, fake it until you make and don’t be afraid to own all the work you’ve put into your business.

Written by Marisol and Silvia Fornoni, Founders of JDC.

JDC supports socially conscious organizations with finding sustainable ways to tell their stories using visual design, engaging content and non-traditional media. We help you with anything from organizing fundraising campaigns to web design and social media management.

www.joint-development.com

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Turn your business around by knowing and owning your worth!

Uchechi

I was speaking to a fairly new business owner recently, who was feeling high level of anxiety and frustrations over her business. As I was speaking to her, I could sense the fear, doubt, and frustration that were coming up for her around the security of her business.

As we dug deeper into her feelings and sharing tools to help change her perception, which would allow her to see solutions vs. feeling like a victim, an interesting realization surfaced. Although, it was her desire to succeed and thrive in her business, deep down she did not feel worthy of it. She also realized that subconsciously she felt that she had to struggle. This deep-rooted belief then became her reality. It was such a great ‘aha’ moment for her and I truly believe the start to her turning her feelings and business around. Her feeling of unworthiness and need to struggle is a perfect example of how much our past programming and conditioning plays in our lives and business.

Many of us grew up in a household where money was scarce and as such we developed the belief that money is hard to come by and struggling is a natural way to live. Beliefs like this relate to all areas of our lives, especially when we’re trying to build a successful business! This is the very reason why many personal development literatures and programs often state that we don’t go searching to ‘find’ success. It is all inside us. All we need to do is identify and remove the blocks, which we have built up against it. These blocks includes feelings of unworthiness and need for struggle that we have picked up growing up, which is now preventing us from having all the success and prosperity we crave in our lives and business.

Understanding your sense of self and knowing and owning your worth and power is essential in changing negative perceptions and programming that often keeps you from being successful and achieving your goals. Below are some tools I shared in a past workshop that will help you take back your power and start to build a better relationship with yourself. This will ultimately help you move past the need to struggle and past the feeling of unworthiness and undeserving of success.

Ditch the inner critic – Ditch that small voice of the ego that tells you that you are neither good enough nor worthy of your goals and success. It’s time to call b.s. on that voice and prove it wrong by stepping out with faith and taking action towards your goals. When that voice acts up, remind them of your power and that you were meant for success and to prosper!

Break your inner glass ceiling– We’ve all heard of the glass ceiling in the corporate world, where no matter what we do or how hard we work, there is a glass ceiling that we feel we just can’t break through. Well, the same holds true internally. We have this limited thinking of what we can or can’t do. We’ve created a set point through our past programming that limits our capability. For example, you can’t see yourself making more than $10,000 a month in your business, because you are small with limited resources and can only grow so much. We’ve set so many false limits on ourselves. It is important to realize that your limit is only based on what you choose to be true for you. You must always remember you are an abundant being and that your eyes and ears cannot comprehend the abundance and success that is waiting for you to claim. Everything you need to thrive and build a successful business is inside of you. I know this sounds like such a cliché, but it’s true! You just need to remove your self-limiting beliefs about yourself that holds you back and keeps you stagnant.

Be conscious of your internal and outer dialogue– Watch the language you use to describe yourself and your business. Many times, we say “I can’t, I don’t have enough, I’m too small” etc. We need to remember that our self-talk turns into stories, which then becomes our beliefs; thus we’ve just programmed ourselves. We then experience these beliefs and programming in our physical environment. We need to harness and master our thoughts and self talk to empower us. Using affirmations and consciously intending your wishes and desires for your business and knowing that it will come to pass is one way to do this. What words and thoughts are you using to describe your business and it’s current condition? Would you want your thoughts and words to materialize? Be conscious of your thoughts and speak words that best serve you and your business.

 

Uchechi Ezurike-Bosse is a Business & Lifestyle Strategist, Speaker and Writer, but most importantly, a proud Mother and Wife. Uchechi is Co-Founder of Elite Wellness Services Inc. (www.elitewellness.ca) and Founder of My Empowered Living (http://www.myempoweredliving.com) a website aimed at helping women change negative and disempowering mindset and live their passion! Whether it’s starting and building their dream business, or helping them create a lifestyle they crave, Uchechi is the modern woman’s secret to success! Visit Uchechi at www.myempoweredliving.com to get your FREE copy of 5 Simple Steps to Create a Life you’re Crazy About! A 15-page workbook!

Courage Is A Trait We Grow Into

anna

The definition of Courage is the ability and willingness to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. Physical courage is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death, while moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.

Such an emotional definition to a part of our being that is so deep within us.  I think back on my life and remember times when I felt I could have been more resourceful or brave in sticking to my wants, needs and ideals.  And as I reflect I notice that I did the best I could with what I knew about myself and the situation at that moment in time.

I believe that there are great levels of courage.  Do you remember the time in school where the bully was picking on someone and you could have said something but didn’t because we were too afraid in that moment?  Were you really afraid or was it that you didn’t know what you could do? At the age of 10 or 12 we knew right from wrong.  Now our more complex brain (our unconscious mind) has influences on our thoughts as well and they are even more powerful.

It is our unconscious that sizes up the situations we are faced with in seconds.  Our wondrous mind looks at the situations and as in the case of the bully asks and responds faster than the speed of light at its own questions.

The questions start:

Should I let this person do this to someone else?

Why isn’t anyone else jumping in?

Am I big enough to help?

What if I am not and no one jumps in to help me?

Will I be able to ever get away from this bully again?

All these questions and more run through and are answered instantaneously.

 

So, let move back to my first thought and that is that courage is a trait that grows as we grow.  The more information and experiences we are introduced to, the more able we are to respond to difficult situations.  We are just people doing the all we can in the best of moments and in the difficult times. Never doubt your courage and trust your instincts.  Your courage is directly connected to that very wholesome part of yourself.

Anna Ottaviani is a Board Certified NLP Master Practitioner & Master Coach, Board Certified Master Hypnotherapist,Creating Your Future® , Time Line® Therapist Practitioner and Reiki Master. Her methods are unique and tailored to each individual client. She can be reached at www.sucessfullyyou.ca or by phone at 289-221-5772. You can follow her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/successfullyyou?ref=ts&fref=ts

Dealing With Stress

sandra

 

 

As an entrepreneur stress can become a natural state of being.  There’s so much to do and not enough hours in the day to get it all done, and if you’re a solopreneur, the responsibility is totally in your hands!  This can be enough to drive the most efficient of us crazy, and in those moments of overwhelm, it can leave you wondering if having a desk job was really as bad as you once thought it was.

I’m no stranger to feeling stressed.  Even with meditation, yoga and a morning jog, there are times when I’ve had moments where I’m still left wondering where I will find the courage and strength to go on in difficult times, when the obstacles seem insurmountable!  Stress can take you right off track and take away your focus from the goal of growing your business and pursuing your passion.  It drains your energy, it takes a toll on your relationships and it takes up valuable time that you could be using to take your business to the next level!

Often, our main source of stress comes from fear.  Fear of the unknown, failure, or even success!  When we encounter obstacles, especially when we are starting out, it can be easy to consider these challenges a sign that your business isn’t meant to be.  If you’ve studied the stories of anyone that has achieved great success in their business, or life in general, there is rarely a time when barriers were not encountered.  What made those people successful was their ability to persevere and maintain their focus in spite of those challenges.  They have a strong belief in their vision and that is what gives them the ability to push through the obstacles and make their dreams a reality.

When you feel stressed, take a quick moment to ask yourself what exactly is stressing you out.  Is it the worry that the product or service you’re offering won’t attract any customers?  Are you taking on too much and need to hire someone, but you’re afraid you can’t afford it?  Instead of allowing stress to take over, take control of it and dig deep to find the root cause of your stress.  Only then can you find ways to minimize or eliminate it.

As entrepreneurs, we can’t allow stress to take away our power to make our dreams come true.  We all have a gift to share with the world, a purpose, a calling that is waiting to be fulfilled.  We have to believe in ourselves and have faith that everything is working out as it should (regardless of if it’s the way we want it to).  When we believe in ourselves and what we are doing, it makes it easier for others, including our future clients/customers to do the same, allowing us to grow our businesses from a place of authenticity and true service.

 

Sandra Dawes is a certified life coach specializing in helping women who feel unfulfilled with their 9-5 follow their dreams and pursue their passions. She holds an Honours BA, an MBA as well as a certificate in Dispute Resolution.She is working on her first book, Embrace Your Destiny: 12 Steps to Living the Life You Deserve!

Connect:
www.embraceyourdestiny.ca
www.facebook.com/embraceyourdestiny
www.twitter.com/sandradawes

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